The Opponents’ Playbook: Is She Farting Near You On Purpose?

girl farts

Yes, all girls fart…and no, those emissions don’t smell like unicorns and butterflies. That’s the kind of harsh truth you’ll get from “Girl Code,” but–even when the truth is gross–you can use it to your advantage. Here’s what guys can learn from last night’s episode.

1. Some Girls Fart To Judge Your Reaction

Jessimae Peluso “will fart on first dates” to gauge whether a guy is superficial or a gentleman. Conversely, Esther Ku will “only fart after my toothbrush is in his bathroom.” Maybe a girl is testing you, or maybe she’s just getting too comfortable, but either way she might be trying to tell you something–if you can hear it through the rippage.

2. They Blame Guys For Their Gas

Guys stereotypically blame the dog for cutting one, but girls blame you. “Girls are more blamers than claimers,” Esther says, and she told female viewers to “stand next to the fattest guy in the room” when they fart, so he looks guilty. As if you needed another reason to hit the gym and work off your beer gut…

3. Let It Slide When She Lets It Rip

We agree with Charlamagne Tha God that it’s “a lot for a man to grasp” when his lady toots…but you have to ignore it (well, try to ignore it) or else she’ll feel judged and resent you. “You know I’m a human,” Nessa says. “I have an assh**e!”

However, we’re not quite as accepting as Chris Distefano, who proclaims: “Just fart. Fart on me, I don’t care. That’s actually a turn-on for some guys. I’m that guy.”

4. Don’t Mention Her Makeup

Jordan Carlos can discuss the pros and cons of various cosmetics, but you should leave the subject alone. “A guy can’t talk to me about makeup,” says Tanisha Long. If it looks bad, keep your mouth shut. If it looks good, you compliment her, not the face paint.

“Just say she looks beautiful,” Andrew Schulz instructs. “If you compliment a girl on her makeup, it’s basically saying, ‘You’re pretty brutal-looking, but with that makeup stuff, not bad!'”

5. Make Her Feel Like She’s Not Slutty

Single girls might worry that guys don’t respect them, especially if “people stop inviting you to do things during the day, and only want you at nighttime,” as Jessimae puts it. So, invite a girl out before sundown–brunch, a matinee, a museum, a zoo, a park–because one afternoon together can lead to many late evenings together.

Then again, not all ladies have this insecurity. “If I had to pick a slut phase in my life, it’d probably be right now,” says Melanie Iglesias, “because now I have money and I don’t feel like I need anybody…and if I want to sleep with you, then I will.”

Yeah, we’re not brunch fans anyway.

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