What Hockey Players Would Look Like With Gold Teeth [Photos]

Zach Stortini

Americans think of football as the toughest sport, but let’s reconsider that for a second. When two diesel linemen have beef, don’t they just grab at each other’s face masks until a puny ref pulls them apart? And isn’t a team dentist only there to keep the players’ teeth white for the cameras?

We thought so. On the other hand, when hockey players fight, they don’t even wear masks, and the refs don’t get in the way until they decide that one guy’s face is sufficiently pulpy. Oh yeah, a hockey team’s dentist is busy enough to put your kids through college, too.

The main reason hockey players aren’t selling Gatorade like the rest of the jocks is that these fights leave ‘em ugly and toothless. It’s not fair, so we gave some of them teeth again. Gold teeth.

Alexander Ovechkin

Alexander Ovechkin

Craig Berube

Craig Berube

Dave Scatchard

3

Doug Risebrough

Doug Risebrough

Mark Messier

4

Mike Ricci

5
Photos: Getty Images

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Charlie Kasov (@charliekasov) is a comedian and editor of Pride Incredulous.