5 Sports That Guys Play Just To Drink

FC Ingolstadt v Eintracht Braunschweig- 2. Bundesliga
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Guys like beer. Like, a lot. We also like sports…almost as much as beer. Combine the two and you’ve got a match made in Guy Heaven. Here are the sports guys play solely to get s***faced either during or immediately after.

1. Bowling

Bowling can be traced back to the ancient Egyptians, who were probably just in it for the pitchers of beer and wings. How much do guys like beer and wings? We’ll join leagues to wear embarrassing shirts and play a game that was new and exciting when Moses was around, even though videos of people getting punched by kangaroos now exist.

2. Fishing

Hunting under the influence is terrifying. Fishing buzzed, on the other hand, is living the good life. Get out on the water, wear one of those hats with all the hooks on it…and, if necessary, use a beer cooler as a life raft.

3. Golf

Let’s be honest: Golf is nothing but boredom, frustration and pleated pants. Why do we still play it? Because it’s the only sport around with a cart tailor-made for carrying a cooler full of beers. (Ideally, the cooler that saved your life on a fishing trip.) And what’s the best thing to do after a few hours of drunkenly hitting balls into the water? Head to the clubhouse for a few cold ones.

4. Softball

It’s Saturday morning. Put on your shorts, head to the park and pretend you care who wins. Feel free to call the game early and crack a few beers to celebrate almost exercising. You’ve earned it.

5. Ultimate Frisbee/Football

For the guy who wants to work for his afternoon beer, a good game of ultimate or two-hand touch before going to the bar provides the workout that the other activities on this list lack. After all, you’re not just a bunch of jackasses looking to get wasted before it gets dark out; you’re gladiators fresh off an afternoon of gridiron competition…who are looking to get wasted before it gets dark out.

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Zachary Sims (@zacharysims) is a comedian, writer and admirer of all pants.