The Opponents’ Playbook: What To Do If You Catch Her Snooping

girl code

Only an amateur thinks he knows everything about women. True wisdom is admitting that you can always learn more, and “Girl Code” is your shortcut to enlightenment…also, to improving your game. Here’s the knowledge guys can use from last night’s episode.

1. Keep Your Bathroom Clean

You’ll inevitably leave yellow droplets on the seat, and you inevitably won’t bother to wipe them up. But if you bring a lady back to your place, she’s gonna consider you unhygienic…and if she considers you unhygienic, guess what she won’t consider?

“If I wanted to sit in piss,” says Nicole Byer, “I’d answer a craigslist ad.”

2. Don’t Ask Her To Wax Her Pubes

You’d never request that a girl change her hairstyle, unless you’ve got some weird fetish, and she’s just as sensitive about the hair down there. “If a guy asks me to get a wax, I tell him to come back to me after he’s had the hair ripped off his balls with a melted scented candle,” says Tanisha Long.

If your lady wants to rock a 1970s bush, that’s her choice…either love it or leave it.

3. No Safeguard Against Snooping

All the “Girl Code” cast members admit they digitally spy on guys, from text messages to Facebook. Oh, you’ve got a lock screen on your phone? Doesn’t matter, ’cause women like Nessa will crack it in no time. (“The little pattern…those are the easiest.”)

If a girl catches you by playing detective, honesty’s the best policy. Andrew Schulz pretends to feel violated that his privacy got invaded, but then confesses: “Hey, good job, you needed to do that, ’cause I would’ve f***ed that girl if you hadn’t put a stop to it.”

Not that we’d endorse it, but if you’ve got a prospect on the side, you could enter her in your contacts as “Mom.” Then, when she says she loves you and can’t wait to see you again, you’ll look innocent. And if she sexts you…yeah, maybe that plan is flawed.

4. It’s A Conversation, Not A Monologue

April Rose remembers “the worst first date I ever went on” because the guy wouldn’t stop talking about himself. The “meathead…never asked me questions back,” just blabbered about how “he farts a lot.” Hey, buddy, be the strong and silent type, bodily functions included.

5. Know When You’re Beckoned On The Dance Floor

As Esther Ku puts it, certain dance moves are girls’ “mating call.” Specifically, anything with backing, popping or dropping–but if a girl’s just dancing with her friends, you’re gonna have trouble approaching…well, in most cases.

“If I’m in the dance pack and a guy wants to penetrate the pack,” Carly Aquilino says, “the only thing he needs to do is buy me an appletini and tell me he likes my shoes.”

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