Applying Boxers’ Absurd Ring Entrances To Your Life

Naseem Hamed v Manuel Calvo
Photo: John Gichigi/Getty Images

The boxing ring is a place where the world’s best fighters stand toe-to-toe until one of them can stand no longer. But it’s also a place where they can indulge their spirit of theatricality. For many boxers, the ring walk is an opportunity for bizarre displays of machismo that leave audiences feeling weird inside.

But there’s more to these flashy, dramatic ring walks than pure entertainment value…they can teach guys about making a proper entrance. Here are the best ring entrances of all time, and how you–the average palooka–can use them to make yourself the coolest guy around, pound-for-pound.

1. Bernard “The Executioner” Hopkins’s X Hood

This executioner’s hood is poorly executed. Judging by the look on his face, Hopkins made this costume himself and immediately regretted it.

Takeaway: This is a great way to enter the gym, specifically for a spin class. The key is that you keep your personal rapper next to you at all times, and make sure your eye holes don’t go askew.

2. Prince Naseem Hamed’s Flying Carpet

In this famous ring float, Prince Naseem sits awkwardly atop a cartoonish, stiff flying carpet that looks like it was used as a giant genie’s j*** rag.

Takeaway: This is a prime way to make your debut at Senior Prom. We’ll leave it up to you to figure out the physics.

3. Floyd Mayweather’s Sombrero

He’s wearing it backwards, but still looks cool with 50 Cent MC’ing at his side.

Takeaway: Walk into this weekend’s Cinco de Mayo party giving off the appearance of a festive, fun-loving guy, not a bruiser. If someone gets belligerent after too many tequila shots, he’ll never know what hit him. (Answer: You.)

4. Sharif Bogere’s Lion Head

Sharif Bogere fights like a lion, so it only makes sense for him to wear a dead lion on his head while entering the arena in a cage on the shoulders of oiled-up gladiators. This is intimidating, but in the strangest way possible.

Takeaway: This is an ideal way to enter the bedroom and entice your lady friend. (The shiny, ripped dudes carrying you should leave the room…but you should leave the lion head on.)

5. Prince Naseem Hamed’s “Thriller”

thriller
Photo: YouTube

Even more impressive than the flying carpet, this spooky ring walk invokes the spirit of Michael Jackson and brings back memories of your favorite childhood trip to Universal Studios. Highlights: The screeching cat noises and Prince Naseem punching the skull off the headstone.

Takeaway: Though it requires a great deal of planning and a $50,000 budget, we highly suggest using this approach whenever you enter the club. You might only be able to afford to enter one club, ever, but the payoff will be huge.

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Will Garre (@wgarre) is a comedian and writer in New York City.