What To Do When You Encounter A Bachelorette Party

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You’re trying to enjoy an evening out with the guys when you see them: A group of women squealing and downing fruity drinks, dressed in coordinated t-shirts and hot pink boas, with one girl wearing a tiara. Oh s**t, it’s a bachelorette party!

These dreadful chicks can easily ruin your night of drinking, so it’s best if you know how to respond.

1. Ignore them

This might prove near impossible, since they’re already making so much noise that you can barely think. Plus, they’re all climbing up on the bar, dancing to ’80s music and sipping drinks through penis-shaped straws. If you can’t ignore them, at least throw some other ’80s music on the jukebox–by which we mean, early Metallica.

2. Pick a new bar

But, seriously, why even put up with them? Do you really want to spend your Saturday night in the same bar where a completely wasted girl is spending her last weekend single? On second thought…pass that penis straw, this could get interesting.

3. Participate in their silly games

Her husband-to-be and his groomsmen are surely getting plowed at some sleazy peel joint as strippers wiggle their butt cheeks in his face. That’s what a bachelor party should be. Bachelorette parties, however, are all about dopey scavenger hunts or pin-the-tail-on-whatever. Why not join in their dumb games, and try to “pin” some tail yourself?

4. Separate the singles

All right, all right, you’re not actually gonna make a move on the bride–you have a soul, kind of. Amongst any annoying bachelorette party, though, there is always going to be at least one single woman.

How will you recognize her? You could look for the one diamond ring-less finger, or…just notice which girl seems utterly bored and completely embarrassed by her loud, married friends trying to relive their early twenties. Be the person to add a little excitement to her evening.

5. Volunteer as the entertainment

Hey, if the bachelorette isn’t going to hire a male stripper, you may have to provide your services gratis. Bottoms up!

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Aaron Goldfarb (@aarongoldfarb) is the author of ‘How to Fail: The Self-Hurt Guide.’