Credit: Yunus Arakon
It makes perfect sense to post certain things to Facebook and Twitter. A new job, a relationship change, even a funny article (like this one…hmmm) will interest the people you know. But lately, society has been taking social media way too far. It’d be oversharing to tell ANYONE these things, let alone the entire internet.
1. You Paid Your Taxes
Every adult has to file taxes. You’re not unique just because you did your duty before April 15th–congratulations, you obeyed the law–and tweeting out your tax return “triumph” most certainly will not prevent an IRS audit. Well, maybe it would’ve for Lauryn Hill.
2. You Weighed Yourself
Your morning routine: Take a dump, take a shower and step on the scale. You’d never tweet about the first couple, so why the third? If we actually see you in person, we can tell if you’ve lost that double chin. But if we never see you, we don’t care. Basically, you’re just asking the internet, “Do I look fat in this avatar?”
3. You Made A Mundane Purchase
We all buy products every day, ’cause we live in a society of rabid consumerism and it’s fun to brag about owning cool stuff. Rarely, though, are our purchases a hot new sports car or the latest electronic gadget; mostly, we’re just buying toilet paper and sandwiches. Don’t Instagram your lunch, and absolutely don’t live-tweet it.
4. You Played A Game
There’s no greater waste of time than playing crummy Facebook games…except for reading friends’ updates about playing them. You’re not the LeBron James of “Farmville,” and you have nothing to brag to the world about.
5. You Took A Jog
We don’t need to know that you worked up a sweat. How ’bout you finish your run by grabbing a Gatorade, not your smartphone?
6. You Jammed Out
Millions of Pandora and Spotify users share what music they’re listening to at any given moment, but friends don’t necessarily have the same taste. If we did, we’d probably spend more time in the car with you.
7. You Enjoyed Pornography
You can advertise this accidentally, which is embarrassing enough, but who recommends it on purpose? Your depravity disgusts us! (That doesn’t mean we won’t click.)