5 Reasons Why Facebook Is Becoming Super Lame

Facebook Announces New Android Product
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Any product that a billion people use should be profitable…except Facebook. So they keep tinkering with the format, desperately trying to find the perfect balance between usability (for us) and raking in cash (for them). What they don’t seem to realize is that they’re slowly becoming the laughingstock of the internet–the kid in high school who tries too hard to fit in, but he’s rich and throws the best house parties. You don’t stop hanging out with that kid, but you sure as hell trash him with your friends behind his back.

Facebook used to be cool, but here are five reasons it’s becoming an internet loser.

1. Post Throttling

Last year, Facebook decided that if a business wants posts to reach all of its followers, it has to pay. Otherwise, the post only reaches about 20% of the followers. What sucks about this is that businesses often post when they’re offering free and discounted stuff: Donuts, whiskey shots, samurai swords…we don’t know your likes. Sure, businesses should have to pay to advertise, but we like knowing where to get swag.

2. The Mobile App Sucks

Facebook hates the mobile platform because they still can’t figure out how to make money off of it. We hate it because it crashes all the time, you still can’t tag events on it and the new chat function for iOS is dumber than a car that only locks from the outside.

3. Constant Format Changes

Did you like having a wall better than having a timeline? Doesn’t matter, ’cause they refused to give you a say. Liked that post you wrote about how your friend puked into his girlfriend’s mom’s purse back in 2009? Yeah, they hid it without asking you.

4. 5,000 Friend Limit

Facebook set this limit to prevent spam, but it didn’t consider the consequences, like limiting the number of girls you can contact on a lonely night. No one should slow a player’s roll.

5. Video Ads In The News Feed

This is supposed to happen this summer, and if it does, it’ll be the last straw. If we wanted video ads, we’d go back to MySpace.

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Charlie Kasov (@charliekasov) is a comedian and editor of Pride Incredulous.