The 7 Biggest Hair Mistakes Guys Make

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It can be hard to rock a badass hairstyle, especially when you add factors beyond your control like baldness, cowlicks and apathy. Sure, Johnny Depp can pull off the long, unwashed look, and Brad Pitt nails the unkempt beard/butt-cut combo, but you’re probably not them. Here are some hair choices for most guys to avoid.

1. Using More Product Than Your Girlfriend

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Girls don’t want to run their fingers through your hair and suffer a laceration. Taking pride in your appearance is one thing; spending hours in front of the mirror working on your locks is narcissistic personality disorder.

2. Getting In Touch With Your Inner Caveman

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Beards are great, but don’t make it look like your head’s racing your face in a hair growth contest.

3. Just Saying “No” To Shampoo

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Certain girls love this dirty, unwashed look–it makes you look like a rebel without a cause, albeit without hygiene–but the tides usually turn when she gets up close…and gets a whiff.

4. Streaks + Feathering

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You are a guy, not a Real Housewife.

5. Surfer Dreads

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We get that you have mad respect for Bob Marley, but this hairstyle is nowhere near irie, mon. Get yourself some No More Tangles Leave-In Conditioner at the beachside CVS.

6. Trying To Distract From Your Bald Dome

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Take a tip from Bruce Willis when you start to lose it up top: Let it all go. Embrace the bald. Less is more.

7. Pretending It’s Still The 1980s

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Despite what hipsters think, your hair should not be ironic. This floppy mop says a lot about your personality, but mostly that you’re hoping for a Flock of Seagulls reunion tour.

BONUS: Not All Hair Needs A Cut…Save Your Eyebrows!

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Kara Klenk (@karaklenk) is a comedian in New York City.