Criminals Are Stealing Fast Food Grease, The New Liquid Gold

Obesity And Fast Food In America
Credit: Joe Raedle/Getty Images

If there’s two things that guys love, it’s greasy sandwiches and gangster movies. Well, you can now combine your enjoyment of fast food and organized crime–and even save the planet in the process. Consider a career in stealing grease from restaurants.

See, excess fry oil used to be worthless, but the rise in biodiesel fuel has made it a hot commodity among thieves. For example, Schwartz’s, a popular deli in Canada, has had its grease stolen multiple times. So for all you aspiring Danny Oceans out there, stop planning your casino heist and do some surveillance at a local burger or taco franchise.

If you’re still not convinced this is a good idea–because police won’t buy your “helping rid America of its dependance on foreign oil” argument–keep in mind that Homer and Bart had the same plan in a “Simpsons” episode. And they would never do anything stupid.

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Neal Stastny (@NealStas) is a comedian and writer in New York.