No one cares about the dinner pics you upload to Instagram. Bi-sected sandwiches, sad salads, lopsided cakes with illegible frosting, random bowls of muck...we're over it. Even five-star cuisine presented artfully on wide white plates suffers social media fatigue. We suspect many of you enjoy posting pictures of the meal more than the meal itself or the overall dining experience. Your food may be expensive or delicious but no matter the filter it usually looks like a pile of barf.
We are calling for a complete ban on food 'gramming. However, there are always exceptions to the rule. Here are five of the only instances in which it is still OK to share a photo of your meal.
1. If it's Nyotaimori (body sushi)
Guaranteed your followers won't be mad if you post a photo of your body sushi.
2. If there's an unexpected foreign object lurking in it
This is a used condom found in some poor student's cafeteria lunch. That will ruin your day for sure. People have found all sorts of gross crap in their food: chunks of metal and plastic, hair, toenails, etc. If the foreign object is gross enough and the company has deep pockets, there could be a payday lurking in there too.
3. If the food is still alive
This is an Italian cheese ("casu marzu") that's crawling with live maggots. Anyone who eats this willingly has moved past the point of casual snacking and into stunt shoveling, so he gets a pass. And some mouthwash.
4. If religious imagery appears in your food
No matter your faith, you can't argue with this lady's $28,000 pay day for putting down a grilled cheese sandwich that resembled the Virgin Mary and snapping a pic. Squint and stare. It's like a Magic Eye. Can you see her face?
5. If your meal is, like, a pile of edible undies.
Edible undergarments are underutilized in our opinion. What's not to love? Try a pair for dinner tonight.