Today’s Dumbass: Guy Beats Roommate Over Sharpied Penis Face

Photo: Arlington County Police Department

If you get so blackout drunk that you can’t feel your friends drawing a dick on your face with a marker, then it’s basically their inalienable right to do so. But when 31-year-old James Watson of Arlington, Virginia woke up at 5:30 a.m. to find a phallic temporary tattoo, he allegedly kicked his roommate’s ass hard enough to necessitate an E.R. visit.

The roommate suffered a bloody, swollen eye, and hesitated before pressing charges against Watson–whose mugshot is a work of art, by the way–because they routinely played drunken pranks on each other, according to police. Except, y’know, the reported “malicious assault” kinda crossed the line.

Look, if your buddy draws a penis on your cheek, get him back with Ex-Lax Maximum Strength or Scorpion Pepper chili…it’s a prank for a prank, not aeye for a prank!

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Marty Beckerman (@martybeckerman) is the Associate Editor of Guy Code Blog