7 Lies To Explain Why You Moved Back In With Your Parents

Credit: RubberBall Productions

Sometimes you fall on hard times, and you don’t want the government to help you. (The government doesn’t want to help you either.) So you look to Mom and Dad for free rent and free, albeit uncomfortable, meals. Problem is, your boys will laugh at your misfortune and no girl will respect you. Here’s some fake excuses to save face.

1. Your folks are hosting a couple hot French college students…in your old bedroom.

2. Your dad is, like, the best home beer brewer in the western hemisphere.

3. They have cable and you’re tired of pirating Knicks games.

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4. The girl next door is actually “girl-next-door hot.”

5. Your family’s Golden Retriever gets depressed whenever you leave. He only has a couple years left (if that long), so you want to spend as much time with him as you can.

6. Your dad’s got a killer home gym that he set up and never used.

7. Your parents both got addicted to prescription pills; you’re making sure they don’t use again. You would live on your own, naturally, but you’ve gotta keep them alive.

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Charlie Kasov (@charliekasov) is a comedian and editor of Pride Incredulous.