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Flying’s one of those things that, unless you’re rich, kinda sucks. Getting through the airport makes you feel like a refugee. Also, the airplane seat makes you feel like a poorly treated factory farm pig, and you wish the food tasted as good as one of those pigs.
That feeling of powerlessness is what makes the whole experience so crappy, but there’s a way to actually make it fun: prank your fellow passengers. Here’s some prank ideas that’ll lift your spirits…but won’t get you handcuffed by an undercover U.S. Marshal.
1. The Fake Overdose
Put a bunch of Tic Tacs in an empty prescription bottle. During takeoff, start tweaking out. Furiously pour the mints straight into your mouth. Take some fast, deep breaths, then pretend to fall unconscious.
2. Load Up On Beans
No one likes sitting next to a farter in a cramped airplane cabin with recycled air. So, about four hours before your flight departs, eat a falafel. When you’re done with the falafel, eat another falafel. You’ll be super parched from all that hummus, so chug a liter bottle of really carbonated soda. Room for dessert? There’s nothing sweeter than some three-bean chili topped with muenster cheese and raw onions.
Note: This works best if you act like you’re not feeling well…people will suffer your gas longer if they think it’s resulting from a medical condition.
3. The Ol’ Gimp Mask
This one comes to us from comedian David Cross, who suggests wearing a gimp mask (much like the one in “Pulp Fiction“) on the plane to freak everyone out. We say go for it, so long as you commit for the entire flight.
4. The Worst Mile High Club Proposal
Create a fake book jacket with the title, “How To Get Anyone To Join The Mile High Club.” Wrap it around a real hardcover. Page through it while striking up a conversation with your seatmate. Mutter to yourself, “Twenty minutes, easily,” and watch them squirm.
5. Be As Stupid As Humanly Possible
When the plane is taxiing before takeoff, ask the people next to you questions like, “How does the plane get into the air?” and “how high up are we going to go?” If they sound like they know what they’re talking about, respond with “wow!” or “whoa!” Then stare off into space for a few seconds before making the most terrified face you possibly can.
If they can’t answer your questions, look straight ahead and whisper things to yourself like, “He doesn’t know. How can he not know?” Then cry and sniffle.