Today’s Dumbass: Rapper Shoots Friend As Illuminati Sacrifice

Wafeeq Sabir El-Amin
Photo: Henrico County Police

It’s normal for dudes to get paranoid from smoking too much weed, but usually they fret about the police, not the Illuminati. However, 27-year-old aspiring rapper Wafeeq Sabir El-Amin of Virginia has been charged with shooting his friend to gain stardom (somehow) from the shadowy secret society.

“You are my sacrifice,” El-Amin allegedly told his buddy, who’d fallen asleep in an under-construction music studio, right before attempting to blow his head off.

The friend, who only got hit in the hand, reportedly wrested the gun away and escaped. Authorities found a pound of marijuana and conspiracy theory literature at the scene. The D.A. claims that El-Amin was too stoned to remember the events of the past month.

Probably healthier to just be paranoid about the cops, who…y’know…actually exist.

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