Sometimes when I'm watching a Lakers game, I'll catch a glimpse of Steve Blake shuffling down the court with his weird head, and think to myself, "Seriously? He's in the NBA? I could beat that dude!" Obviously I'm wrong. Even though he looks like McLovin, Blake is actually a good basketball player. And compared to nonathletic dudes with one bad knee (like me), he's LeBron ChamberJordan.
College hoops is full of Steve Blakes--guys who look more like an usher in an arena than a player on the floor. And when you see these guys during the tournament, you're going to think, "I could beat that dude!" Rest assured, you can't.
Below is an All-Star team of those guys. Just remember, no matter how much they look like a trainer who snuck into a jersey, these guys are playing basketball on TV and you're sneaking around the office trying to watch them. There's a reason for that.
PG: Matthew Dellavedova, St. Mary's
Credit: Gregory Shamus/Getty Images
Dellavedova isn't just one of the best college point guards in the country, he's a national treasure in Australia. The St. Mary's senior led his country to a seventh place finish at the London Olympics and then put up 16 points and 6.4 assists a game en route to his second tournament appearance. That means even though he looks like a blogger, he would destroy you on the court.
SG: Nate Wolters, South Dakota State
Credit: Christian Petersen/Getty Images
Before South Dakota State landed in the tourney, the only people who knew Wolters' name were those paid to pay attention to college hoops. After his Jackrabbits play Michigan today, that will change. Wolters is a pure scorer, who will challenge Trey Burke for 40 minutes. He also looks 12 years old. But don't let that deceive you though. The kid can play.
SF: Mike Bruesewitz, Wisconsin
Credit: Harry How/Getty Images
This Wisconsin forward is kind of an aesthetic mystery. Sometimes he looks like Kramer, sometimes he looks like Riff Raff and sometimes he looks like that kid who pooped his pants in elementary school (above). No matter what he looks like though, he can cram on you.
PF: Perry Ellis
Credit: Jamie Squire/Getty Images
This old man, with his already-receding hairline and general old man-ness was born in 1993. He's only 19! His face, which makes him look like he went to school to Bill Cosby, might lead you to believe you could take him on the court. You'd be wrong. Ellis is big at 6'8" and like Waka Flocka, he goes hard in the paint.
C: Reggie Johnson, Miami
Credit: Jeff Zelevansky/Getty Images
Johnson's minutes have gone down in his senior year, but his girth hasn't. While he deserves credit for cutting 60 pound between his freshman and sophomore years, Johnson is still a big boy at nearly 300 pounds. He's so big you might look at him and think you could run circles around him on the court. And maybe you could. But trying to stop him in the post would be like trying to stop him at the buffet--impossible.