St. Patrick’s Day From A-Z: A Dictionary Of Depravity

guyspeed st pattys

St. Paddy’s can get kinda confusing. Not just because you spend 24 hours drinking more Jameson than water, but because there’s so much going on. Between parades and old Irish sayings you learn (then mispronounce all night), it’s hard to keep everything straight.

That’s why Guyspeed created a handy alphabetical guide, which should help when the police request that you say the alphabet backwards:

A is for A-holes Everywhere

The bar ratio goes something like this: For every fun-loving, Irish-appreciating drinker, there are about 15-20 a-holes. Those aren’t good odds, fellas. Tread lightly.

B is for Bar Transformations

Is the sports bar on your block owned by an old Russian dude? No matter; on St. Patrick’s Day, every watering hole is an Irish pub. It doesn’t take much to bring in the crowds: a couple shamrock signs and some specials on Guinness will do the trick. How do you know you’re in a real Irish pub? The bartender looks pissed, and you don’t get light-up shamrock earrings with your third pint.

C is for Car Bombs

We’re not sure who decided it was okay to name a drink something this offensive, or how such an abhorrent combination of liquors became so popular, but alas. It’s easy to spot a Car Bomb drinker–they’re the same folks who can be heard shouting “four Jag-UH bombs!” to the bartender on the other 364 days of the year. If you’re in a real Irish pub, they’re the ones knocked out on the floor by the Irish bartender for ordering one.

MORE: “St. Patrick’s Day From A-Z: The Good, The Bad And The Very, Very Drunk

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