10 Lessons From Mom That Will Help You Get Girls

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On last night’s “Guy Code” (watch the full episode), you heard all the reasons to treat your mom with kindness. Well, here’s another one: The lessons she taught you translate directly into landing girls. You didn’t realize it at the time, but all her nagging about hygiene and broccoli was preparing you for the dating game.

Here are mom’s nuggets of wisdom that the ladies will appreciate.

1. Please & Thank You

Never underestimate the power of simple manners. They indicate you’re respectful and appreciative. (No need to break out “ma’am” and “sir” unless you’re Southern, and in that case do it whenever possible because it’s adorable.)

2. Wash EVERYWHERE

Body odor, foot fungus and sweaty balls aren’t just turnoffs–left unchecked, they are most certainly deal breakers.

3. Eat Your Veggies

Your days of staying thin on a diet of french fries and tacos are numbered, dude. Plus, it makes you look like a kid when you only eat things smothered in ketchup.

4. Say Sorry

That does not include “Sorry, but…” where you explain all the reasons it’s not your fault. Apologizing when you’re wrong, and meaning it, is a major pro.

5. Cheaters Never Prosper

Your mom warned you about cheating on a fractions quiz. Well, that extends to your relationship: You will get caught, and it will ruin your life. (Except in this case, you’ll die alone and horny.)

6. Clean Underwear

New day, new drawers. You don’t want to get caught with two-day-old boxers in the middle of a hookup.

7. No Hitting

Not hitting girls should be obvious, but refrain from hitting other dudes, too. It just makes you look like a hotheaded d-bag who can’t use his words.

8. Clean Up After Yourself

A clean apartment scores huge points with the ladies. It shows that you’re capable of taking care of yourself, and we don’t have an immediate flash-forward to peeling hardened socks off the floor every day.

9. Save Your Money

Your mom was right to start you on a piggy bank–it shows maturity and discipline when a guy saves some of his money rather than blowing it all on Xbox credits and comic books.

10. Elbows Off The Table

OK, this one doesn’t really matter to girls. Is this still a thing? Why do moms go crazy about this?

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Kara Klenk (@karaklenk) is a comedian in New York City.