What Twitter Would Have Been Like In The ’90s

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A lot of embarrassing things happened in the ’90s, like wearing backward jeans and using pagers. Luckily, Twitter wasn’t around to document every single time we humiliated ourselves. But what if it HAD been? Would we have been as addicted to it as we were to Warheads and PacMan?

To imagine what Twitter would’ve been like in those days, we’ve taken some popular Twitter trends from today and invented their ’90s equivalents. Check it out…

1. Popular Hashtags

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Sample Tweet: “that scrub thought I was gonna dig his hammer pants #asif”


Sample Tweet: “soul patch is freshly cut, gonna be #gettinjiggy tonight ladies!!”


Sample Tweet: “you guys see that video of the flash mob doing the Macarena in the middle of the mall? #PHAT”


Sample Tweet: “beat some dude to the last Jurassic Park tape at Blockbuster #BOOYA”


Sample Tweet: “end of the world talk’s got me #buggin about the millennium…stocking up on French Toast Crunch while I can”

2. Twitter Fights

favre young
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Brett Favre And Steve Young

The Packers and the 49ers had an epic rivalry in the ’90s that started when the Pack upset the no. 2-seeded ‘Niners in the 1995 playoffs. 49ers QB Young had to be downright pissed off about that one, so we’re imagining a Twitter rampage in which Young bashes Favre for his Vicodin addiction and Favre responds by telling Young he’ll always be second to Joe Montana. Watching those golden boy QB’s going at each other? We would’ve loved every second.

3. Most Tweeted About Events

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Bill Clinton’s Cheating Scandal

Twitter would’ve had a field day when Clinton gave his “I did not have sexual relations with that woman” speech. Monica Lewinsky jokes for days.

Series Finale Of “Fresh Prince of Bel-Air”

When Uncle Phil told Will he was proud of him and then the whole Banks family left Bel-Air, the universe cried and Twitter would’ve been bombarded by overemotional teens who realized they would never get to see the Carlton dance again.

4. Parody Accounts

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Dennis Rodman’s Hair

People with too much time on their hands love to make Twitter accounts for celebrity body parts, like Angelina Jolie’s leg after last year’s Oscars and Anne Hathaway’s boobs after last week’s Oscars. So we’re betting it would’ve taken no time at all for @dennisrodmanshair to collect at least a million loyal followers.

Sample Tweet: “back to bleach blonde. you guys see the way I totally blinded Patrick Ewing on the court tonight? ha #sucker”

Evil Lou Pearlman

Pearlman was that big dude who unleashed boy bands like Backstreet Boys, *NSync and LFO on us, then went to jail after he stole a bunch of money from them. We’re guessing an @EvilLouPearlman–similar to @EvilMikeTomlin–would’ve definitely been a hit.

Sample Tweet: “Nick Carter you made me rich but now you will pay. No one is that dreamy without my consent you sandy-haired demon #revenge”

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Madeline Roth (@MadelineRoth1) goes to THE BrOhio State University