Baseball: Where The Goatee Is Still King [Photos]

St. Louis Cardinals v Atlanta Braves
Credit: Scott Cunningham/Getty Images

For most self-respecting guys, the goatee might be a relic that went away circa 1998, but it lives on thanks to truckers, your weird uncle and dudes who think Confederate flags are fashion statements. And, of course, MLB players.

These guys might be millionaires but apparently they can’t spare the cash for disposable razors. Here’s a look at some of the biggest facial hair offenders.

1. Brett Meyers

San Diego Padres v Houston Astros
Credit: Bob Levey/Getty Images

The perfect look for a guy who goes straight from pitching a game to attending a Skynyrd concert.

2. Kevin Youkilis

Chicago White Sox v Boston Red Sox
Credit: Jim Rogash/Getty Images

The only good thing about Youk jumping ship to the Yankees? At least he’s required to shave this woodchuck off his face.

3. Stephen Strasburg

Washington Nationals Photo Day
Credit: Mike Ehrmann/Getty Images

Is this a picture of a phenom who can throw 100 mph…or a Glamour Shot of some dude at a Kenny Chesney concert?

4. Jeff Samardzija

Chicago Cubs v Cincinnati Reds - Game One
Credit: Joe Robbins/Getty Images

If only the towel could get that off his face.

5. Bobby Jenks

Boston Red Sox Photo Day
Credit: Elsa/Getty Images

Pitcher, chin-hair enthusiast, bassist in Slayer cover band.

6. Mark McGwire

St Louis Cardinals v Arizona Diamondbacks
Credit: Christian Peterson/Getty Images

He denies all allegations that performance-enhancing drugs were used in the making of this goatee.

7. Joe Blanton

Los Angeles Dodgers v Miami Marlins
Credit: Justin Edmonds/Getty Images

With a $6.5 million salary, dude, you can afford a personal style consultant.

8. Jayson Werth

Philadelphia Phillies v New York Yankees, Game 2
Credit: Nick Laham/Getty Images

You know what? He was playing in Philadelphia when he had this. We’re pretty sure that gross facial hair is a prerequisite there, so we’ll let this one slide.

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Zachary Sims (@zacharysims) is a comedian, writer and admirer of all pants.