How To Spot A Fake Nerd

Three Panel Nerd
Credit: Jerry Genius/Getty Images

Nerds used to get a bad rap. They were the losers. The butt of the joke for the cool kids. Here at Guy Code, we’re not anti-nerd…we’re pretty sure Dr. Dre got a nerd to create those headphones for him. Being a nerd has become super hip in the last 10 years, so a lot of people have become posers to get laid more. Here’s some surefire ways to tell if someone’s faking nerd-dom.

Steal Their Giant Glasses

This is the most obvious mark of the fake nerd. Real nerd goggles result from people reading books and squinting to see if anyone actually likes them. When you have an opportunity, take their glasses off their face. If they can still see, you can see them for what they are.

Brag About A Fake Band

Nerds share the love of bands no one’s ever heard of with hipsters. The lesser known the better because it gives real nerds a sense of superiority, something they desperately need. Mention how you’ve only been rocking “A-Rod’s Toilet Coil” on your iPod ever since you saw them live in an abandoned detergent factory. If they say anything besides, “I’ve never heard of them,” remind them that in some countries, they could be executed in a town square for being such a poser.

For more on Nerds, watch tonight’s new “Guy Code” at 11p/1oc on MTV2

Brag About A Fake Comic Book Hero

Nerds rally around superheroes because superheroes have muscles and attract women. Even if a nerd does something heroic like cure a disease, he still won’t have muscles and will only get women if he makes bank on his invention. If you’re suspicious, talk about how much the Incredible Hulk sucks as a superhero. If he agrees, it’s time to show off your shirt-ripping anger.

Brag About A Fake Scientist/Discovery

Tell them you’re really inspired by Albert Einstein’s brother, Kevin Einstein, the inventor of the first acne medication. Not only do nerds know most scientists, every nerd knows who actually invented acne medication.

Ask, “Who Shot First?”

Nerds love the original three “Star Wars” movies, even if they were kids when the prequels came out. George Lucas gave up his nerd-cred when he went back and changed the plot of his own movie, editing in Greedo shooting at Han Solo first, even though Han shot Greedo first in the original cut. This doesn’t seem like a big deal to a non-nerd. To a real nerd, this is like Christmas being replaced by the Country Music Awards. “Han Shot First” has become the rallying cry for nerds, so asking the simple question, “Who Shot First?” should weed out the fakers.

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Charlie Kasov (@charliekasov) is a comedian and cockroach/lady killer .