Diehard Degenerate: Gambling On The New Pope

Pope Benedict XVI
Credit: Getty Images

Sean Green hosts the Sports Gambling Podcast and is our expert on losing money.

Gambling might be a sin, but gambling on the next Pope is downright holy. So pour a glass of communion wine and let’s get some bets started.

1. Archbishop Angelo Scola

Odds-makers are setting this Italian archbishop as the favorite at 2:1. Pope Benedict XVI has mentioned him as a possible successor, and he really impressed the scouts at the last Pope Combine.

2. Cardinal Francis Arinze

Started out as one of the leading candidates but now has fallen to an upset special at 16:1. With no imaginary girlfriend scandals, potential career-ending injuries or allegations of performance enhancing drugs, there’s a lot of value here at +1600.

3. Cardinal William Levada

One of the few American candidates, and a long shot at 80:1. He has served under three popes, so don’t rule out this crafty veteran.

4. Bono

No joke, PaddyPower.com is taking bets on Bono as the next Pope at 1000:1. He’s certainly no stranger to giving sermons in front of large crowds, and Pope Bono would give the Vatican The Edge they need to make some serious Christian rock.

Pope Lead Pipe Lock: William Levada at +8000! USA! And don’t forget to tithe 10% to the church and your bookie.

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Sean Green is a standup comedian and podcast host living in Los Angeles