Every now and then, you see a ridiculously hot chick dating a total schlub. It's like "Beauty and the Beast," without the happy ending, because you're not that schlub. On next week's "Guy Code," Andrew Schulz goes out on the streets to ask New Yorkers about "How'd-he," as in "How'd he get with her?"
A lot of people say Chris Christie will never get elected president because voters don't want an oval dude in the Oval Office. But from 1909–1913, our commander-in-chief (and consumer-in-chief), William Howard Taft, weighed 340 pounds. He burped, farted and legendarily got stuck in a plus-sized White House bathtub. The origin of the word "tubby"?
And yet his wife, Helen "Nellie" Taft, is often ranked as one of the most beautiful first ladies. Jackie Kennedy is every list's winner, sure, but Nellie's consistently up there.
So how did a gravy-slurping fatass like William Howard Taft wind up with such a babe? What can overweight guys learn from his gargantuan game? Let's study husky history...
1. Hit The Books (Not Just The Cafeteria)
In addition to his bloated body, Taft had a brilliant brain. He got into Yale and rose to the top of his law class, proving that he had intellectual chops to match his pork chops.
Nellie was a sophisticated lady--she taught French and almost became a lawyer herself, hardly common at the time--and fell in love with Taft's mind, if not his jellyrolls.
2. Own Your Obesity
Taft could've felt embarrassed about his size, but instead used it to his advantage. He joined Yale's wrestling team and became intramural heavyweight champ. Women love winners... as long as you're not a pie-eating contest winner.
3. Pounds Of Persistence
When Taft wanted something, he never gave up, whether it was his lifelong dream of becoming Supreme Court chief justice (which he accomplished after winning the presidency, an unprecedented and unrepeated feat) or proposing to Nellie over and over until she accepted.
4. Find A Lady Who Lives Large
Nellie was a party animal. A vocal opponent of Prohibition, she loved poker, cigarettes, "sex plays" and booze. She even personally mixed/spiked the punch at White House events.
The lesson: Fat dudes need a chick who doesn't give a f*** and lets the little things (like morbid obesity) slide as long as she's having a blast.
5. A Rough-Riding Wingman
If you're on the chunky side, you need a handsome, charismatic friend. Instead of making you look worse in comparison, you'll bask in his afterglow... kinda like how Taft got elected solely 'cause beloved Teddy Roosevelt chose him as his political successor.
Credit: Getty Images
Oh yeah, fat dudes: If nothing else, grow facial hair; it'll make you look that much jollier. (Which, by the way, answers the "How'd-he" for Santa and Mrs. Claus.)
+ Watch "Guy Code" Tuesdays at 11/10c on MTV2