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All right, gentlemen, it's about time for the big fancy dinner. We hope your wallet's packed--or your credit card APR isn't too high--because this is gonna hurt. Sex isn't even worth jumping through so many damn hoops... well, that's not true, but our friends at Dumb As A Blog list the most tedious aspects of this obligatory holiday:
It's bad enough that these drug stores practically bully you into buying Valentine's Day crap, but who wants to receive a gift that was obviously purchased last minute by a loved one shopping for suppositories?
You pay a premium for a wicked hangover. It is the last choice drink of men, after motor oil.
How sexy is a gift that will cause your squeeze to inflate to the size of a Macy's Thanksgiving Day balloon?
Your idea of hot is not hers. She wants to star in her own Merchant Ivory-inspired fantasy and you think she lacks undies with a hole for her poop chute. This is not going to end well.