Photo via AlterNet
Not all relationships will stand the test of time. If your girlfriend isn’t a keeper, but you’re too much of a nice guy to do the dumping, a terrible Valentine’s Day present will convince her to call it off. She might not see the romance in your strategy, but we do.
1. BFF Candy Heart
The candy that says, “Happy Valentine’s Day! Welcome to the Friend Zone!”
For more on Valentine’s Day, catch “Guy Code” tomorrow at 11p/10 on MTV2
2. Together Gloves
This is reverse psychology. It looks like a romantic present, but it will actually creep her out so much–because you’ll seem like a clingy, codependent weirdo–that she’s going to reconsider the relationship.
3. Fast Food Dinner
Make your reservations early, because if White Castle runs out of tables, you’ll have to take her to some fancy place she’ll actually appreciate.
4. Divorce Paperwork CD-ROM
For unhappily married guys, try to find this gift discounted for some Valentine’s Day sale. You’ll save a few bucks right before you lose half your net worth.
5. Her Own Personal Cockroach
Credit: Hulton Archive/Getty Images
For just $10, the Bronx Zoo will let you name a Madagascar hissing cockroach in honor of your girlfriend. Be a man and splurge on a real roach, ya cheapskate.