4 Ways To Manage Your Girlfriend’s PMS

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The week before your lady’s period is a pretty rough time for her, and can be a pretty rough time for you. Don’t want to deal with PMS? Then you can either take a vow of celibacy or become gay. Otherwise, you have to help her get through her monthly war. (She wouldn’t choose to deal with PMS either, but you’re both in this together.)

It doesn’t have to be terrible, if you’re prepared. Kind of like a snowstorm. Here’s some tips on how to help yourself by helping her.

1. Dark Chocolate

…and not just because women love chocolate; it actually eases PMS symptoms by producing endorphins, so she’ll be happy, and it’s high in iron, which she needs because women lose that when they’re on their periods.

(Pro-tip: Buy a year’s worth of heavily discounted Valentine’s Day candy on the 15th.)

2. Make Her Dinner

There are specific meals recommended for PMS to put women in a better mood. Feed your girl marathon training foods: Dark green veggies, whole grains and beans. Plus, cooking for her is a nice gesture, so maybe she’ll relax a little.

+ For more on PMS, watch “Guy Code” tonight at 11/10c on MTV2

3. Get Her Off The Couch

Exercise and sunshine will make her feel more positive–but you can’t say “you need to go for a jog,” or else she’ll just hear “you’re getting fat.” Try complaining about how out of shape you feel, then ask if she cares to join you for some cardio.

(If that doesn’t work, buy an awesome little dog and take it to a park. No woman can resist running around a park with an awesome little dog.)

4. Have Sex

A trip to Planet Orgasm can ease her cramps. (If the cramps hurt too much for sex, you can help her out in other ways.) You’re taking a risk that her period will start mid-coitus, but don’t be a weenie about a little blood. It’s not that gross. If you don’t believe us, at least believe Tracy Morgan: “I don’t mind a little ketchup on my frank.”

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Charlie Kasov (@charliekasov) is a comedian and writer based in Brooklyn, New York.