The Most Badass Clergy In Film History


Credit: Rogue/Universal Pictures

In the real world, you don’t think of pastors and rabbis as violent foulmouthed antiheroes. Clergymen are supposed to be kindhearted, humble souls who preach love, charity and forgiveness. In Hollywood, however, some of ‘em take no prisoners, in their own special, pious ways.

1. Jacob Fuller (“From Dusk Till Dawn”)

This former preacher sent half an army of vampires to hell before sacrificing himself in the process. He steps up and does the right thing in a time of extreme crisis, even if that means breaking one of the Ten Commandments.

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2. Brother Timothy (“Heaven Help Us”)

This friar doesn’t use handguns or demon-burning holy water. Instead, he’s a man of the cloth who uses his street smarts from the school of hard knocks to help younger generations endure the prison that is Catholic high school.

3. Father Lankester Merrin (“The Exorcist”)

Father Merrin deserves to get a few extra coins in the collection plate for doing the world’s most extreme babysitting job.

4. Rev. Shooter (“Hot Fuzz”)

The quaint British town of Sandford, Gloucestershire has a huge, underground, illegal armory that would convince the NRA to push for gun control. This reverend might follow God’s law, but certainly not man’s.

5. Obi-Wan Kenobi (“Star Wars”)

The Jedi Master has a deep reverence for the ways of the Force, but there’s always that one disciple who screws you over.

6. Karl the Street Preacher (“Johnny Mnemonic”)

The “love thy neighbor” passage must have a ton of footnotes in this guy’s bible, because he sticks his neighbor’s hand into a vat of liquid nitrogen. And disembowels his neighbor with a sharpened crucifix.

7. Father Gabriel (“The Mission”)

It takes a special kind of guts to face unrelenting violence with faith instead of fighting. (The plan failed miserably but it’s gutsy nonetheless.)

8. The Rabbi (“Lucky Number Slevin”)

“How do you justify being a rabbi and a gangster?” Ben Kingsley finds a way, and will lay down an unkosher beating if you don’t return his money pronto.

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Danny Gallagher (@thisisdannyg) is a deacon at the Holy Church of Our Blessed St. Pauli Girl.