A Text Message Exchange Between Harbaugh Brothers


Credit: Getty Images

Jim: yo!

John: what?

Jim: what’re you doing?

John: what do u think dummy? im getting read for the super bowl

Jim: call me dummy again and ill hit u so hard youll have to blow yr nose thru yr eyes

John: u wish, dum dum

Jim: consider it done! yr dead!

John: i said “dum dum” u sh*tball

Jim: whatever, what plays u runnin on sunday?

John: eff u!

Jim: cmonnnnnn! what plays?

John:

Jim: tell me 1 of yours and ill tell you 1 of mine

John:

Jim: john! i will shove yr face into a toilet and scream Fleetwood Mac lyrics in yr ears if u dont tell me!

John: I remember when u did that in middle school – not a chance it happens again

Jim: yeah? what r u gonna do about it?

John: ill text that pic of u hula hooping drunk at a Sonic Drive Thru to Deadspin

Jim: no one caressssss

John: it’d be a nice big distraction right before the game

Jim: i dont care, u think it was a distraction when i benched whats-his-name for tattoo guy?

John: u dont even know your own QB’s names?

Jim: eff u!

John: how do u expect to combat our nickel blitzes if u cant even tell your QB to look for em

Jim: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA- got u now!

John: how do u know im not just sayin that?

Jim: just like u tried convincing mom u werent dating that chick with no thumbs?

John: shut up

Jim: just like u picked up that raccoon cuz u thought it was a football and got rabies?

John: i’m blocking ur phone number

Jim: just like u puked on yr kicker before yr 1st game coaching and blamed it on a rookie?

John: i’m gonna text dad!

Jim: haha

John: u are so dead this Sunday

Jim: whatever doofus

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RG Daniels (@RGDaniels) is a comedian and writer in Brooklyn, NY.