Today’s Dumbass: Angry Husband Assumes Black Coworker Knows Hit Man

Photo via Hamilton County Sheriff

Divorce is expensive, but making assumptions based on racial stereotypes is even costlier. Police say that 27-year-old Stephen Perry of Carmel, Indiana–eager to get out of his marriage, but unwilling to pay attorneys’ fees–asked a coworker for help in locating an assassin.

You’re black,” Perry allegedly said to Adrian Howard, a fellow employee of Valvoline Instant Oil Change. “I know ya’ll know people.”

Howard thought that Perry was joking, but the latter allegedly pressed the subject, offering $15,000 as a finder’s fee with the stipulation: “I don’t want to know who, all right? And if they can, make it look like an accident. I mean, we live in Carmel. So, you know. Black people in Carmel?” (Also: “You hurt my dog, the deal’s off.”)

But there was no deal, because–according to the affidavit–Howard recorded their conversation and alerted Perry’s wife, who then contacted police. Perry is now facing charges for conspiracy to commit murder. You know who isn’t facing charges? The heroic black guy.

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