Woman Poisons Her Vagina In Attempt To Kill Husband

Death By Cunnilingus? Well, that’s no way to repay a favor.

A Brazilian woman, unhappy with her marriage, has reportedly confessed to a unique murder scheme: inserting poison into her vagina and then begging her 43-year-old husband to perform oral sex. However, the man noticed an unpleasant odor–more unpleasant than normal, anyway–and rushed her to the hospital because she was loopy from the toxin she had allegedly planted inside herself.

Every marriage has its up and downs, of course, but this one is going down (so to speak) permanently. The husband will sue for attempted murder, according to local sources, and police are investigating whether the case merits criminal charges. It would be a shock if he denied her divorce request again after this. And if they do find a way to make it work, we’re guessing he’ll wear a surgical mask for 69.

Seriously, lady, if you’re gonna kill a guy with your sexy parts, give him death by boobs.

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