Today’s Dumbass: Former NFL Lineman Beats Up Boyfriend Over Soy Sauce

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You’re not exactly in a healthy relationship when a lover’s quarrel escalates to the point of punching your significant other over condiments. Kwame Harris, a former offensive lineman for the 49ers and Raiders, will face domestic abuse charges for just that reason.

While scarfing down Chinese food, Kwame’s boyfriend poured soy sauce on his rice. (We’re not coming up with a euphemism here.) So the infuriated ex-athlete allegedly clocked his beau so hard that his face required surgery. Oh yeah, Kwame also pulled his boyfriend’s pants down, convinced that his underwear had been stolen, according to legal documents. Facebook status: “It’s Complicated.”

A trial is set for later this month. Kwame has pleaded not guilty, claiming self-defense. Maybe his boyfriend was trying to kill him with sodium?

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RG Daniels (@RGDaniels) is a comedian and writer in Brooklyn, NY.