Virgin Voyages: My Dad Was My Wingman

Credit: Picsquare

On Tuesday’s episode of “Guy Code,” the cast will talk about losing your virginity. Some of us here at Guy Code Blog are sharing our stories. #DontJudgeUs

My parents were leaving the house for the day, so naturally I invited my then-girlfriend over. On his way out the door, my dad pulled me aside and said, “We won’t be back until ten o’clock… OK?”

“Yeah, that’s fine,” I said.

“We definitely won’t be home before ten,” he reiterated. “For sure.”

“OK, cool… sounds good, Dad.”

No sooner than ten. I’ll make sure.”

I didn’t quite understand what he was getting at, but a few hours later my girlfriend showed up. We ate dinner, then popped in a movie I’d rented: “The Kentucky Fried Movie,” a super raunchy 1977 comedy by the guy who directed “Animal House.” Not really the kind of film you’d expect to help you get laid, but somehow it did. Maybe it was the sex scenes or the bold racist humor that put her in the mood–or maybe she thought it was so terrible, she’d rather have my fat body on top of her.

Whatever it was, she let me gently push the boundaries that we’d previously set. It was awful, it was awkward and it was over before an entire scene had passed.

That’s when I realized why my father had been so adamant that he and Mom weren’t coming back home until 10:00. He was totally wingman-ing me! It’s pretty awesome in retrospect, although he didn’t need to give me a ten-hour window for something that took seven minutes. #DadCode

+ Follow Guy Code on TwitterFacebook and Tumblr

+ Watch new episodes of “Guy Code” every Tuesday at 11/10c on MTV2

Jim Tews (@jimtews) is a comedian and former quarterback for the Philadelphia Phillies