5 Horrible Ancient Medical Treatments

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Most guys will take an unqualified medical opinion from their friend, coworker or bartender if it helps to justify delaying a trip to the doctor’s office. Although no one enjoys seeing a doctor, it’s usually a painless process. It wasn’t long ago when a “doctor” would cover you in electric eels or drill holes in your head to make you feel better. So next time you’re feeling sick, just schedule an appointment and be thankful you weren’t born when these practices were common.

1. Electric Eels

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There are many theories about how the ancient Egyptians built the pyramids. It seems impossible that they could have been built without modern technology.  Some people even think they were built by aliens. But the Egyptians probably did it to distract future civilizations from focusing on how they used electric eels to treat arthritis.

2. Trepanning

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Do you suffer from headaches? Seizures? Evil spirits? Then you might need some trepanning! Trepanation is a simple procedure that involves a doctor drilling a hole in your skull. It’s a genius medical practice. You won’t be concerned about your simple headache once your brain is exposed to the open air.

3. Metal Catheters

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Not that catheters today are the most pleasant medical experience, but in the olden days they were made of metal. Thankfully, American patriot Benjamin Franklin invented a flexible catheter and changed history forever. Why don’t they teach kids that instead of the boring story of Franklin and his kite?

4. Bloodletting

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If eels, holes in your head and metal rods in your junk haven’t cured you, then you must have something pretty serious. Slicing open an artery or vein will probably do the trick. When President George Washington was sick on December 17, 1799, his doctor drained 5 to 7 pints in 16 hours. He died on December 17. Weird!

5. Leeching

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Maybe you’re afraid of knives but you still want a nice bloodletting? No problem, any good doctor should have a jar of leeches he can dump on you. As gross as this sounds, leeching is making a “comeback” in the field known as biotherapy. The most disgusting part is that the medical bills will probably be as much as if you had taken some actual medicine.

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Neal Stastny (@NealStas) never gets sick. He’s invincible.