Today’s Dumbass: Guy Convicted Of Condom-Piercing Appeals To Supreme Court


Photo via Buzzfeed

See that photo? It’s from a meme called “Overly Attached Girlfriend.” People add captions describing the most psychotic, codependent relationship behavior imaginable… but an overly attached boyfriend can be just as nuts.

Nova Scotia man Craig Jaret Hutchinson didn’t want his girlfriend to dump him. So instead of buying her jewelry or taking her to a nice restaurant or just trying to be a better listener, he poked holes in their condoms until pregnancy ensued. At which point he admitted the sabotage by text message. She got an abortion and he got a conviction for sexual assault.

“There was no voluntary agreement by (the woman) to the sexual activity in question, which was sexual intercourse without contraception,” the judge concluded in an eminently reasonable ruling.

But Hutchinson has appealed the case to Canada’s Supreme Court. His defense–you might want to sit down for this–is that he and his girlfriend stopped using condoms after the positive pregnancy test (but presumably before she learned about his needlework), so… uh… she obviously didn’t care about condoms that much?

He’s currently out of jail while the appeal is considered. Lock up your daughters and prophylactics.

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Marty Beckerman (@martybeckerman) is the Associate Editor of Guy Code Blog