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As someone who gets boners, it's easy to assume you know everything about 'em. They go up when you're at a strip club, they go down (we hope) when you're at grandma's house... what else is there to learn?
Well, plenty, as you'll discover from tonight's "Guy Code" Season Three premiere on MTV2. To prepare you, we've collected the most bizarre penis facts on the Internet. (There is no good way to explain our Google search history to our girlfriends right now...)
1. The word "penis" comes from the Latin word for "tail"
Credit: Getty Images
Consider that the next time you brag to your friends about scoring some "primo tail."
2. Priapism (prolonged erection) is named after always-hard Greek god Priapus
Photo via Wikipedia
The ladies considered him a god, anyway.
3. Out of all primates, Homo sapien has the largest penis
Credit: Getty Images
So much for "great" apes. Ha! Ha! Losers.
4. The fear of thinking about or having a boner is called "ithyphallophobia"
Photo via troll.me
The gym shower can be a terrifying place.
5. The Komodo dragon has two penises
Credit: Getty Images
So basically, it can have threesomes with just one partner?
6. William Shakespeare referred to an erection as "the dart of love"
Photo via Wikipedia
In the play "Measure for Measure," naturally.
7. Male fetuses can have erections during the last trimester
Credit: Getty Images
Do not--we repeat, DO NOT--consider the Freudian implications.
8. The Brazilian wandering spider's venom causes a boner that lasts for hours
Not the worst way to die.
9. It's nearly impossible to achieve an erection in weightless conditions
Credit: Getty Images
Newt Gingrich's moon colony idea seems way less awesome now.
10. A man sued BMW because his motorcycle gave him a boner
Credit: Getty Images
A boner that supposedly lasted two years. How did this case stand up in court?
11. A sustained erection is one of the most common symptoms of rabies in men
Credit: Getty Images
If you foam at the mouth while watching porn, call an ambulance.
12. George W. Bush's nickname for Rep. John Boehner was "Boner"
Credit: Getty Images
Where isn't this dude orange? (Don't answer that.)
13. The town of Boner Knob, Montana is located in Beaverhead County
Photo via Google Maps
The town name of Penistone was taken. (No, really.)
14. Men executed by hanging often sustain erections at the time of death
Credit: Getty Images
So that's where some freak originally got the idea for auto-erotic asphyxiation...
15. You can accidentally fracture an erection during sex
Photo via Ray Elbe
Just ask MMA competitor Ray Elbe. (It produces a loud cracking sound. The sound that follows is inaudible, since only dogs can hear a scream at that pitch.)
16. A drone bee's erection snaps off during sex with the queen
Credit: Getty Images
Bees: They're just like us! (Well, they're just like Ray Elbe, anyway.)
17. Viagra was originally a failed heart medication
Credit: Getty Images
Until middle-aged guys noticed a pretty cool side effect.
18. Viagra can also (kinda) give flowers a boner
Credit: Unica Home
It makes them stand up straight. Good tip for your next Mother's Day bouquet.
19. Ginseng has been proven to help erectile dysfunction
Credit: Getty Images
In one study at least. (Also proven to help: strippers named Ginseng.)
20. On average, men sustain an erection for 90 minutes while they sleep
Credit: Getty Images
It's called "multi-tasking."
21. The average boner produces the same pressure as a boa constrictor's grip
Credit: Getty Images
Same pressure, different kind of snake.
+ For more on boners, watch "Guy Code" tonight at 11/10c on MTV2
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