The 8 Most Awkward Home Exercise Machines

Credit: Cameron Spencer/Getty Images

The “Guy Code” gang discusses gettin’ fat on tonight’s Season Three premiere, which is a lot more fun than gettin’ skinny. Nevertheless, Americans spend $5.5 billion per year on home fitness equipment. We’ve all seen the 3 a.m. infomercials and considered stepping, shaking, jumping, climbing, spinning, punching or nodding our way to a better body.

Perhaps some of these contraptions work, or perhaps they’ll just make you scratch your head a bit… but hey, at least you’ll burn a few calories in doing so.

1. The Ab Wheel


Pushups are great exercise. Cycling is great exercise. When you combine the two, it might still be great exercise, but you’ll look like a damn Transformer.

2. Shake Weight


A great way to jer–um–WORK off those extra calories. Why buy the cow when you can milk yourself for free?

3. The Gazelle

Credit: GazelleGlider.dom

Tony Little is like the Tim Tebow of exercise fads: We can’t figure out why he’s so popular, but he gets enormous amounts of media attention. His machine, The Gazelle, looks even more awkward than Tebowing:

4. The Ab Rider


We’re not done with Tony Little yet. The Ab Rider is a knees-up, side-to-side glide workout that might make your abs look great, but will otherwise make you look like you’re desperately trying to escape from a bumper car.

5. The Flex Belt/Ab Belt


Hey hey! Imagine getting rid of excess gut chub by doing absolutely jack s***! Now THAT’s our kind of workout. (Just don’t tell your friends that you’re too sissy to pump iron.)

6. NordicTrack


Combining all the boredom of cross-country skiing with all the boredom of staying at home, you too can look like this thrilling gentleman.

7. The Vibrating Machine Belt

Credit: H.F. Davis/Getty Images

Can you believe there was a time when people simply thought shaking your ass at the speed of light was an effective workout? Well, it was the 1950s; they had more than a few backward beliefs.

8. Stripper Pole

If you have one of these in your house, you also better have a live-in stripper girlfriend.

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RG Daniels (@RGDaniels) is a comedian and writer in Brooklyn, NY.