4 Scientific Reasons Why You Get Morning Wood


Photo via Memegenerator

Morning wood, or nocturnal penile tumescence (NPT) as it’s known to boner scientists, is the spontaneous occurrence of erections while you sleep. On average it happens three to five times per night, but possibly more if you dream of Kate Upton doing the cat daddy.

On Tuesday’s season premiere of “Guy Code,” the cast will discuss when boners are a pain in the ass–uh, an inconvenience, we mean–and one perfect example is when you’ve gotta be at school/work in the morning. We can’t solve that dilemma for you, but we can help you understand why it’s happening.

1. Full Bladder

If you don’t take a leak before bedtime, your bladder can press against sensitive nerves that control erections. (Note: drinking six beers isn’t a cheap alternative to Viagra.)

2. Oxygenation

Your body tissue needs oxygen-rich blood for proper function, and your penile tissue is no different. Essentially, a nocturnal boner is your penis taking its vitamins.

3. Sweet Dreams

You’re not aware that you’re dreaming, and neither is your penis. That’s why it’s responding to imagined escapades with¬†Brooklyn Decker as if dreams come true, which–in this case–they never will, sorry.

4. Nitrous Oxide

Your body’s natural N2O plays a part in both sleep and enlarged blood vessels, which combine to take you to Morning Wood City. (There’s only one way to skip town, if you know what we fapping mean…)

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Sean Green (@greenroomshow) is a standup comedian and podcast host living in Los Angeles