Today’s Dumbass: Guy Handcuffs Himself To Girl Who Rejected Him

Photo via Daily Mail

“Have I caught thee, my heavenly jewel?” wrote William Shakespeare in The Merry Wives of Windsor. “Why, now let me die, for I have lived long enough.”

Likewise, Jason Earl Dean of Georgia is probably wishing for death. In 2011, the 25-year-old Taco Bell employee spent a month trying to convince an 18-year-old coworker to date him. She didn’t reciprocate the affection, so he waited outside the fast food establishment until her shift ended at 9pm, and then cuffed their wrists together.

Not impressed with this romantic gesture, she screamed until other Taco Bell staff called 911. Dean let her go and then drove away in his SUV. Police caught him a couple days later (hey, the guy wanted to be in handcuffs, right?) and now he’ll serve four years in jail and six years of probation for false imprisonment.

Nobody likes being turned down, of course, but kidnapping your crush outside a Taco Bell is not how adults handle rejection. Adults handle rejection by going inside a Taco Bell and gaining 25 pounds of shame weight.

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Marty Beckerman (@martybeckerman) is the Associate Editor of Guy Code Blog