Today’s Badass: Guy Outsmarts iPhone Thief With Fake OKCupid Profile

Credit: Nadav Nirenberg/Facebook

Brooklyn musician Nadav Nirenberg isn’t merely the trombone player of punk band Streetlight Manifesto. He’s also a Batman-level detective and vigilante, at least when it comes to recovering his stolen electronics.

On New Year’s Eve, Nirenberg lost his iPhone in a cab while heading to a concert. The jerk who found it didn’t attempt to contact Nirenberg, but instead logged into his OKCupid profile and tried to get laid. “He was even using my photo,” Nirenberg told the New York Post, which broke and “thoroughly fact-checked” the story. (Didn’t the thief consider that ladies would be disappointed to learn he didn’t actually look like a rock star?)

Nirenberg saw the OKCupid messages and devised a plan: contacting his impersonator with a fake profile, “Jennifer Gonzalez.” Naturally he “used lots of winks and smiley faces so I would seem like a girl.” (It’s breaking Guy Code to use emoticons, unless you’re catching a criminal who stole your s**t, in which case: awesome.) The thief promptly replied, “U wanna meet?”

At this point, most of us would ask the police to make a sting–but that option was too easy. Instead, Nirenberg arranged a date with the man (who wore cologne and brought over a romantic bottle of wine) and then threatened to crack his skull open with a hammer. Needless to say, Nirenberg received his iPhone back. “You smell great, though,” he said as the thief ran away.

The only way this story would be cooler? If Nirenberg had threatened to crack the thief’s skull open with his trombone.

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Marty Beckerman (@martybeckerman) is the Associate Editor of Guy Code Blog