Today’s Dumbass: Man Robs Bank To Fund Going-To-Jail Party


Photo: Cook County Sheriff

Back in 2007, an Illinois guy named Mickey Loniello Jr. got caught with drugs, and then got sentenced to hard time. So the down-on-his-luck heroin addict did what anyone would: plan a bank robbery to pay for his epic goodbye party.

He approached two other lowlifes to help with the scheme, which involved stealing a getaway car and then holding up a Chase branch. Unfortunately for Loniello, one of his co-conspirators–who gave him a handgun that didn’t work–was working undercover for the FBI. On the day of the heist, federal agents intervened and put him back in handcuffs.

Loniello took a plea deal, and will now serve 19 months in the slammer. We might never know exactly what he had planned for his going-to-jail fiesta, but he told the judge, “I was not in the right state of mind,” so it probably would’ve been awesome.

Maybe he can throw a party when he’s released… and maybe he can just charge a cover?

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