You Mad, Bro? Good… Anger Makes You Live Longer

Credit: Marvel Studios

Wrath is one of the seven deadly sins, but it might actually be healthy. Researchers at the University of Jena in Germany have found that unleashing rage increases your lifespan by two years on average, whereas burying it raises blood pressure and eventually buries you.

After studying 6,000+ patients, the researchers also discovered that hotheads recover from illness faster. This phenomenon could explain why Italians and Spaniards–who stereotypically blow their lids at the slightest provocation–live longer than the British, none of whom have ever expressed a single outward emotion.

You’d think that getting your anger under control would increase your time on earth. After all, you’re not gonna start bar fights or drive aggressively. Turns out, according to one of the study’s authors, calm people “exhibit a higher heart rate and pulse ratio than non-repressors and show other objective signs of stress and anxiety.”

Oh, so now we’re “repressed”? We’re REPRESSED, is that it? IS THAT IT, YOU GERMAN SCUM?! WE’LL SHOW YOU “REPRESSED”… WE’LL SHOW YOU ALL!!!!

(Yeah, wow, that does feel better.)

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Marty Beckerman (@martybeckerman) is the Associate Editor of Guy Code Blog