Apocalypse (Sex) Now: Predicting Baby Boom On Sept. 17, 2013

Photo: Universal Pictures, Apatow Productions

We’ll call them “Apocalypse Babies”–all the children that will enter the world on or about late September 2013. Based completely on speculation and our knowledge of human behavior/emotion, we theorize that a ton of people will be having sex tonight. Because, as you know, certain people believe that the Mayans predicted the world will end Friday, December 21, 2012. Meaning September 17, 2013 will become the busiest day for childbirths ever.

Many others are at least aware of the notion of an apocalypse, even though they may consciously dismiss it. Taking together the believers, sentimental types and people who like getting laid on Thursdays, we think a LOT of people will go balls deep tonight. A LOT. And why not?

Also consider: Already September is one of the highest birth months. The days are short and nights are long in December, plus Christmas and New Year’s Eve get in the mix this time of year. Tuesday is the most popular day for childbirth, which has something to do with scheduled c-sections and induced labors. So the math points to Tuesday, September 17, 2013 for the onslaught of hundreds of thousands crying little vomit machines.

Of course,  professor emeritus of sociology and public health at the University of North Carolina-Chapel Hill J. Richard Udry has already dismissed the idea of event-triggered baby booms like 9/11 and the 1965 New York Blackout, based on statistical analyses. So Dr. Udry must think we’re blithering idiots.

To which we say: It’s going to suck to be a nurse at an L.A. County hospital on Sept. 17 next year.

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