How To Make New Year’s Eve Plans At The Last Minute

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The problem with New Year’s Eve–aside from a champagne hangover that’s always more brutal than you expect–is how much pressure  you’re under to find a killer party. It’s okay to lack concrete plans for St. Paddy’s or Cinco de Mayo, but every guy must have an answer to “what are you doing for New Year’s?” (Unless you want to feel like a total loser doomed to watch Ryan Seacrest by himself, anyway.)

What makes it difficult is the unspoken stigma attached to asking your friends if they know of any parties, because you’re clearly begging for their +1. In terms of your social life, that’s like a walk of shame to the welfare office.

If December 31 rolls around and you still haven’t gotten an invite, don’t panic. (Cry, but don’t panic.) You still have some options, however imperfect…

1. Throw Your Own

If you spend New Year’s Eve at home alone, you’re a social failure. But if you spend it at home with plenty of guests, you’re a beloved host. Why be a pariah when you can be the man of the hour?

Except here’s the thing: Beyond the fact that most of your possessions will be destroyed, you’re risking a massive embarrassment. If your invitees have already made plans, you could wind up watching Seacrest by yourself after all. Worst case scenario: Most of them go somewhere else, but a few do show up, expecting a massive rager, only to discover a pitiful letdown. They might be singing “Auld Lang Syne,” but they’re never speaking to you again.

2. Go To A Bar

This is a popular last-minute option… too popular. You’ll never break through the crowd to reach the bartender. Also, the $200 cover probably gets you a single glass of bargain basement bubbly. You won’t be alone, technically, although counting down “3… 2… 1…” with a bunch of strangers certainly feels like it.

3. Crash A Party

This takes some conniving to pull off. Sure, you could just walk into some random house and start chatting people up, but you might get caught (and arrested) if the host asks who invited you. (“Uhhhhh… Steve?” you guess.)

Instead, go to your Facebook Events page and select a party that a friend is attending. If the host greets you, just say, “I’m with _____,” and you’re golden. Your friend will assume that you’re mutual acquaintances with the host, not a creepy stalker, which you are.

4. Hotel Room Lovin’

If your girlfriend expected you to find a party, your failure to do so isn’t gonna win you any points. But she never has to know. Just book a romantic overnight stay at a fancy hotel suite. That midnight kiss is gonna travel southward, if you know what we mean.

5. Play With Fireworks (And Maybe Fire)

If you happen to live in a municipality that allows the individual purchase and lighting of pyrotechnics–and no forest rangers happen to be in sight–fun is guaranteed. (Warning: might cause arson charges and violation of the Endangered Species Act.)

6. Times Square

Within driving distance of New York City? Watching the ball drop above 42nd Street as you’re crushed by a couple million other people in the bitter cold–the nearest Port-A-Potty a seeming eternity away–is a once-in-a-lifetime experience. (It’s not a twice-in-a-lifetime experience, because you’ll never want to do it again.)

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Marty Beckerman (@martybeckerman) is the Associate Editor of Guy Code Blog