Gift Guide: 8 Crazy Gifts For 8 Crazy Nights Of Hanukkah

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Hanukkah arrives this weekend, which means our Jewish friends are all set to kick off an eight-night bender of presents. If you’re unfamiliar with the holiday, it’s similar to Christmas. For starters, it’s in December, and children get spoiled with toys and chocolate. (Do kids even want toys anymore? Or just smartphones?)

Just as the commercialization of Christmas leads to some bizarre products, there are plenty of weird¬†Hanukkah gifts. We rounded up eight of the strangest–one for each night–to help wish you a Happy Hanukkah.

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1. Dr. Dre-del stationary


You won’t forget about Dre with this set of papers. We always knew he’d grow up to be a nice Jewish doctor.

2. Dog tallis


No, not dog tails, which would also be a crazy gift. A tallis is a Jewish prayer shawl… and now your puppy can get closer to G-d. (That’s how Jews spell “God.”) Grab that leash and keep Fido away from all the shiksa bitches.

3. Air Jordan yarmulke


You’ll be slam-dunking your way to Heaven, thanks to His Airness. Jews might not believe that Jesus was God, but we can all agree that Jordan came pretty close.

4. Dreidel costume


Who needs a Santa suit? This dreidel outfit is guaranteed to bring smiles to children and awkward glances from the dry cleaner upon pick-up.

5. Operation: Maccabee


What could bring more holiday cheer than reliving the atrocities of WWII? If you guessed “everything”, then you are correct! Nevertheless, this board game requires you to spin a dreidel in order to kill off the circle of Nazis surrounding you. Fun for kids of all ages. Check out this video and try to contain your excitement.

6. Jim Morrison menorah


You can light The Doors singer’s fire for eight nights with this menorah. (The “lifetime warranty” probably only lasts for 27 years though.)

7. Hannukah fortune cookies


With these fortune cookies, you can predict what destiny holds after Hanukkah’s over. Will you find true love? Is the world gonna end on December 21? Are you gonna finish that lo mein?

8. Pez menorah


This isn’t “crazy” so much as “crazy awesome.” And you can make it yourself. HAPPY HANUKKAH!!

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RG Daniels (@RGDaniels) is a comedian, writer, and former Knicks fan/current Nets fan in Brooklyn, NY.