12 Most Significant Insignificant Stories Of 2012

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Significant because they’re supposedly big, important, weighty stories pushed by numerous media outlets. Insignificant because they’re not. You get the idea. Every year a variety of seemingly inconsequential stories hits the front page, leading readers to believe they ought to take the matter quite seriously. For example, last year Trump declared his insignificant presidential campaign and the McRib “returned.” The year prior, Lady Gaga’s middle finger at a Mets game received wall-to-wall coverage for days. This year was no different, so we again collected the biggest stories from the last 12 months that really didn’t/don’t matter.

Check out all of MTV.com’s Best Of 2012 content

M.I.A. Flips the Bird at the Super Bowl

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We’ve already seen Janet Jackson‘s nipple during a Super Bowl halftime show. Is anyone still upset about M.I.A.‘s middle finger? Will they not watch Super Bowl XLVII in February? No. Well, maybe these people will abstain. Wake us up when a performer pulls down her shirt and lets Justin Timberlake motorboat. Meanwhile the Supreme Court handed down a vague ruling in June that leaves unclear the FCC’s ability to levy fines for alleged obscenities on television. So stay tuned, literally.

Tim Tebow to the Jets

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Anyone with half a brain knew that the acquisition would not be conducive to Mark Sanchez‘s development, or Tebow‘s. That contingency did not include Jets owner Woody Johnson or general manager Mike Tannenbaum. Nor did it matter to ESPN, which stationed an entire crew outside Jets’ camp to monitor his every move. Averaging only seven snaps a game, Tebow’s most impressive performance this past season was running shirtless outside the Jets training facility on a rainy day.

“50 Shades of Grey”

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We don’t have first-hand knowledge of its contents because guys watch porn and don’t read it, but our understanding based on several reviews is that “50 Shades” is run-of-the-mill erotica that happened to catch fire, because…? If you learn nothing else about Anastasia Steele and Christian Grey, read this outstanding GIF-guided book review by goodreads’ Katrina Lumsden.

Lance Armstrong is a doper

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Also, climate change is a real thing! After a damning report by the U.S. Anti-Doping Agency eliminated any remaining doubt about Lance Armstrong, the International Cycling Union formally stripped him of the seven Tour de France titles he won form 1999 to 2005, as the French have wanted to do for a very long time. The only people who still believe Armstrong was not a serial doper are those who simply refuse to believe it, and still might not even if Lance himself told them so.

Herman Cain’s run for GOP presidential nomination

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The former Godfather Pizza CEO who incredibly led the Republican’s primary election parade of clowns for a brief time was eventually brought down because of sexual harassment allegations. Also, because his 9-9-9 plan was a gimmick and his idea of foreign policy was dismissing the nation of Uzbekistan as of “Ubeki-beki-beki-beki-stan-stan.”

Taylor Swift’s love life 

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She only dates for songwriting material. The end.

Lolo Jones’ virginity

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While other athletes were performing, NBC was shoving the story of Lolo Jones and her virginity down viewers’ throats. The story originally came from an interview with hardened media veteran Greg Gumbel but spread widely thereafter. More women’s volleyball, less Lolo Jones’ plight to find a marriage partner.

Mayan’s prediction

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Some people believe in the Mayan “prediction” of the apocalypse on December 21,  2012. That would really screw up Christmas. Anyhow, the doomsday-sayers are wrong. If we’re right, we’ll laugh at the paranoid fear mongers on December 22. If we’re wrong, everyone will be f***ing dead.

Every story about Lindsay Lohan

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It’s difficult to keep up with her life, and not because she’s busy working. Here’s a sampling of LiLo headlines from this past year: Lindsay Lohan Released From Hospital After Car CrashLindsay Lohan fights with mom after NYC club night, cops calledLindsay Lohan’s publicist quitsReport: LiLo’s probation expected to be revoked for ‘lying to police’Lindsay Lohan in Hotel Scuffle With Congressional Aide Over Cell Phone Photos.

The only news pertaining to her occupation and not her half-decade long downward spiral concerns the upcoming TV movie “Liz and Dick” in which she portrays Liz Taylor. And yet even when someone files a story in the dusty folder adjacent to the Lohan police blotter, it’s a story wrapped in a turd. From the Washington Post: “Liz & Dick” exec: ‘Producing a movie with Lindsay Lohan is not for the faint of heart.’ Wake us up when she’s sober.

Twinkies’ possible extinction

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So the maker of Twinkies, Hostess, will sell its assets and wind down the business, meaning Twinkies may die. Some people are crying about it, pointing to Twinkies a cultural icon. You want to know why the majority of Americans may be obese by 2030?

Botched fresco of Jesus

Photo: KSCS

OK, so a well-meaning 81-year-old Spanish women attempted to restore a fresco inside a church depicting Jesus. Big deal? No. Good fodder for a Halloween costume? Yes.

Taco Bell’s Doritos Locos Tacos

Photo: Taco Bell

It’s a f***ing taco. A gimmicky taco. A couple dozen college guys there already invented this snack but were too drunk or stoned to write up a business plan.

“The Big & Best of 2012: A Year End Celebration Presented by T-Mobile” goes LIVE at 12 p.m. ET on 12/12/12. Watch at BigAndBestOf2012.com for eight hours of live performances from stars like Bruno Mars and Miguel, surprise guest appearances, prize giveaways, special editions of “RapFix Live,” “Big Morning Buzz Live,” “MTV After Hours,” “You Oughta Know” and much more!

Stick with MTV as we count down the Best of 2012, including the Best Songs of 2012, Live Performances, Movies and EDM Videos of the year.

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