Fantasy Picks & Chicks Week 14: Choosing Fantasy Starters By Their Ladies

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Instead of racking your brain with deep statistical analysis, why not make your fantasy picks based off their corresponding fantasy chicks?

Quarterbacks are the number one picks of fantasy players and fantasy chicks, so this week it’s all QBs.

Cam Newton vs Tony Romo

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This just in: Tony Romo’s wife Candice Crawford, a former reporter for KDAF, is super hot. She earns a 10.4 out of the gate. But since Romo’s 2012 season hasn’t been quite as scorching–he averages a lukewarm 19.55 fantasy points per game, and won’t be hosting the Lombardi anytime soon–their couple grand total is 29.95.

Cam Newton is having another strong season, putting up 21.53 fantasy points per game. While he claims that he’s a free agent off the field, he was previously linked to Natalian Carr, a bodacious babe with curves any DB would happily cover. I’ll give her a 9.7, bringing them to a game-changing 31.23.

Winner: Cam Newton

Brandon Weeden vs Robert Griffin III

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Brandon Weeden won’t win rookie of the year, but I might consider a write-in ballot for Melanie, his babe of a wife. She earns a 9.7, plus a bonus point for sticking by her husband even though he’s been a disaster on the field, averaging only 13.6 fantasy points per game, bringing their couple total to 23.3.

RG III is used to scoring high numbers–he led the Redskins on a playoff push even after coach Mike Shanahan had seemingly conceded the season–and Rebecca Liddicoat earns a stellar 9.6. With his amazing 24.74 fantasy points per game, their combined landslide score is 34.34.

Winner: Robert Griffin III

If you need help deciding your fantasy football match-ups, tweet @greenroomshow early in the week and I’ll include them in this week’s column.

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Sean Green (@greenroomshow) is a standup comedian and podcast host living in Los Angeles