5 Reasons Why A Sense Of Smell Gets You Laid More

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Every now and then, science blows our minds. For example, dudes with a bad sense of smell don’t have nearly as many sexual partners. Before you freak out and start frying up all your bacon to test your nasal passages, remember that only a small percentage of the population has this problem. Your schnoz probably isn’t dysfunctional.

Scientists believe that guys with this sensory disability miss important social cues. We’re not scientists, but here are five possible reasons why a working nose will get you laid…

1. You Can Smell Yourself

Duh! Bury your face in those underarms and you’ll very quickly realize if you need more deodorant. Without this ability, you’d have to be extra vigilant about your hygiene to attract women.

2. You Can Smell Your Apartment

Remember that time you decided to be adventurous and order the seafood dish from a Thai restaurant? Remember when you sunk your teeth into that fish and immediately gagged, causing you to slam that crap into the trash? And remember when you threw out the trash and bought a can of Glade? Well, if you couldn’t smell the stench, women would declare your apartment a disaster zone.

3. You Avoid Poor Restaurant Choices

A bad sense of smell means your taste buds are dulled, which makes it tougher to wine ‘n’ dine that gorgeous project manager with the hourglass figure. Sure, a basket of fried chicken and fries is guaranteed tasty, but this gal’s style demands bacon-wrapped scallops. Hey, there’s always Yelp.

4. You Can Pick Nicer Flowers

Some floral arrangements will make her swoon, others are just “meh.” And if her face crinkles when you show up at her doorstep, it’s because you forgot to check your shoes for the dog poop that you can’t smell. Game over, kid.

5. You’re Not Crazy (Maybe)

People with a bad sense of smell are likelier to be psychopaths. Women ain’t into that, except for the ones who write love letters to Charles Manson, and you wouldn’t want to date them anyway.

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RG Daniels (@RGDaniels) is a comedian, writer, and former Knicks fan/current Nets fan in Brooklyn, NY.