New York City Goes A Full Day Without Violence

Credit: Mario Tama/Getty Images

If you live in New York, your out-of-town relatives inevitably ask if you’ve been mugged. You roll your eyes (assuming you haven’t been mugged) and tell them it’s the safest city in the world… and now, you have proof.

On Monday, not a single New Yorker was shot or stabbed, except for some dumbass teenager who accidentally shot himself. A New York Police Department spokesman called it a “nice way to start the week,” and couldn’t even recall when the previous violence-free day had occurred. (There are 300-400 murders in the city per year, down from 2,245 in 1990.)

But don’t celebrate quite yet. As the New York Daily News reported, “The [peaceful] streak ended 11:20 a.m. Tuesday when a 27-year-old man was shot in Brooklyn…”

This hellhole is gonna kill us all. Yadda, yadda, yadda.

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Marty Beckerman (@martybeckerman) is the Associate Editor of Guy Code Blog