Cowboy Code: How To Date In Montana


Credit: Ronald Martinez/Getty Images

Here at the Guy Code Blog, we believe strongly in Guy Code. (Obviously.) But we also know that what works in cities and suburbs might not work in mountain or cow towns.

Advice on how to take a girl on a classy date won’t help you when the nearest elite nightclub is a three-day drive away. So, we talked to “Griz Girl” coeds at the University of Montana to find out how successful guys roll on the dating scene there.

Date Spots

Western girls dig the great outdoors, and they especially dig you if you know your way around. So become a ranger, or at least plan a bunch of outdoor dates: hunting, fishing, skiing, drunk fishing, etc.

Point is, western girls know how to shoot guns, like to shoot guns and will brag to their friends about how many quail you shot, cleaned and cooked on your last date.

Etiquette

Thing is, even though western girls enjoy hunting, flannel, beer and burping, they still appreciate it when a guy is more macho. So they expect you to pay for the date. And the bullets, probably.

Style

Just like anywhere, you have to dress to impress. But if you dress the way we city-folk do back east, cowgirls will think you’re trying too hard. Stick to a t-shirt and jeans. Also, drive a pickup truck. (Rappers have Escalades, cowboys have F-350s.)

That said, wedding style remains formal, even though most are held outside here. If you’re the groom and you wear sandals, the sight of your mangled feet will ensure that you have a “dry” honeymoon. If you’re the best man and you wear sandals, your buddy’s wife is gonna convince him to no longer hang out with you.

Technology

Don’t own a smartphone? Proud of it? Bragging about your nonconformity is pointless. Most people out west don’t own smartphones, especially in the mountains. There’s not enough 4G. You’re not special.

Also, don’t bring up how you lack a Facebook account. All it tells western girls is that you like to cheat on them. (And if you do, just remember: they know how to shoot guns.)

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Charlie Kasov (@charliekasov) is a stand-up comedian and writer based in Brooklyn, NY.