Today’s Dumbass Accidentally Gives Cop’s Kids Cocaine For Halloween Candy


Credit: Curtis W. Richter/Getty Images

See those baggies? They’re filled with caramel candy, right? The kind that gets stuck in your teeth? Nope, it’s crack! And for one British man, his inability to tell the difference between drugs and dessert will cost him 130 hours of community service.

On Halloween, a trick-or-treating trio–ages five, six and eight–hit up 23-year-old Donald Junior Green for sugar. He reached into his coat pocket and withdrew a different white powder: $320 worth of coke, which he’d purchased earlier that day. (In his other pocket? “[A] bag of chewy sweets,” according to Reuters.) He then gave the contraband to the kids.

Green realized his mistake when he prepared to snort a line of high-fructose corn syrup. He desperately ran after the children to retrieve his stash, but they were already back at home, sifting through their haul. At which point their policeman father noticed the Bolivian marching powder.

The cops soon knocked on Green’s door. “I know exactly why you are here,” he told them. And it certainly wasn’t for fun-sized Kit-Kat bars.

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Marty Beckerman (@martybeckerman) is the Associate Editor of Guy Code Blog